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| Patti, Mom, Pam, Jan, Cyrus, Tom (June 18, 1973) |
This is a milestone -- my first public confession of having smoked marijuana in my youth. Oh my. There goes any hopes for a successful career. Not all is lost, however. The U.S. presidency remains a viable option.
In a 2015 article by the American Psychological Association, Susan Weiss, PhD. said, "But there's a growing literature, and it's all pointing in the same direction: starting young and using frequently may disrupt brain development." So, just because cannabis is now legal in many states, doesn't make it safe.
I've experienced brain fog and a below-average memory all of my adult life. The only thing I can attribute this to is smoking marijuana as a teenager.
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| Here's Tommy! End of innocence for this 8th grader. (Fall 1973) |
Fortunately, my mother discovered a stash tucked in the back of my nightstand drawer. When I got home from school, Dad gave me an incredibly harsh chewing out. I lost privileges (TV, etc.) for a few months, along with the promise of worse repercussions if I were ever to be found using pot again.
I quit for about a year and rarely used pot the remainder of my teenage years. At that time I became a track and cross country fanatic. Distance running provided a motivation not to smoke dope. The evil weed is bad for the lungs and track runners need healthy cardiovascular systems. So alcohol became my drug of choice.
Back then, we started high school in the tenth grade. Sports kept me busy and mostly out of trouble, though I aimed to get drunk most weekends. This was my life for much of my sophomore year.
That spring (1976), someone invited me to a Young Life All-Area Club meeting. "Sure. Why not?" I may have said. It took place on a Friday or Saturday night in a large auditorium. High school kids from Young Life clubs all around the Eugene-Springfield area filled the place. There was a lot of energy, singing and good vibes. Then a fellow stood at the podium and spoke. The precise content of his message slips my mind, but he was clearly encouraging teens to accept Christ as Savior and Lord. I didn't turn to the Lord at the meeting, but the event impacted me deeply. I knew what I'd heard was true and that I needed to change.
When I arrived home that night, I entered my bedroom and prayed sincerely for God to enter my heart, save me and do something with my life.
That Monday at lunch, I sat next to a senior, Duane Swafford, who I knew was a Christian. I told him what happened at the Young Life meeting and how I prayed that night in my room. I asked Duane if there was something else I needed to do to become a Christian. He responded with a big smile, saying something like, "Praise God, Tom! You're saved! You've already said the right prayer!"
Though technically I had rededicated my life to Christ that night, I treated it as a first-time conversion. The weekend beer binges ceased and I plugged into the Thurston High School Young Life events. Besides the upbeat, weekly meetings, there were coastal outings, Bible studies, camps, etc.. The leader, Ron Sauer, became a significant, positive influence in my life. We hung out a lot, usually on long runs. He often worked out with the Thurston distance runners. Ron impacts me to this very day.
One particular Young Life small-group meeting stands out. It likely took place within a month of my rededication. The group had finished watching a Christian video and then began praying. I distinctly felt God's presence in the room. Others must have felt Him too, because some kids were weeping -- as in tears of joy. This was significant, because, prior to that, I had never experienced God in such a personal, intimate way. He was real and He loved me.
This experience, along with an overall spiritual well-being, marked my life during those first few months. I think this was the "witness of the Spirit" indicated in Romans 8:16-17, "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs -- heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."
It's interesting how that verse begins with a lofty spiritual peak and transitions to a low point -- suffering. After a few months, my spiritual high ended and I began to experience doubts, along with spiritual dryness. It felt as if God wasn't with me anymore. At the time, I didn't realize this shift from high to low was a common experience for young believers. In his lecture series, Spiritual Formation, Dr. John Coe analyses this phenomenon, mentioning how Christian thinkers ranging from St. Augustine (4th-5th century) to St. John of the Cross (16th century) wrote about these highs and lows. St. John of the Cross likens the new believer's spiritual high as an infant who derives pleasure and satisfaction from its mother because of her caresses, nursing and loving care. The infant becomes deeply attached to (loves) its mother because of the pleasure the mother gives him/her. This corresponds to a baby Christian loving God for pleasure's sake. God grants feelings of spiritual pleasure because this is what the new convert needs...for awhile.
The "dark night of the soul" soon arrives for the young Christian. The feeling of God's presence goes away. In fact, all spiritual pleasure vanishes. Worse yet, the pleasure is replaced by negative emotions and thoughts that flood the soul. This may involve demonic attack, where doubts about the faith bombard the mind. Eventually, the dark night goes away, replaced by more natural, down-to-earth feelings.
According to St. John of the Cross, God allows the dark night to occur so the infant will grow up. If the spiritual high continued forever, the Christian would remain selfish, only loving God for pleasure's sake. The ultimate goal, which takes a lifetime, is to love God for God's sake. The mature saint loves God for who He is, not for the pleasures and benefits received from Him. I'm definitely not there yet!
Dr. John Coe mentions the Jesus People movement of the 1960's and 70's. Many of these young people came out of a culture of drugs, sex and hedonism. They understood pleasure. Spiritual highs (from God, not drugs), were common to hippie converts. God knew they were babies developmentally, so He met them where they were at. When the inevitable dark nights came, some people grew up and others fell away.
C.S. Lewis, in The Screwtape Letters, focuses on a young Christian who is being targeted by a demon named Wormwood. Wormwood is mentored by an experienced demon named Screwtape. In a letter to Wormwood, Screwtape explains that the Enemy (God) will soon allow the young man to undergo a "disappointment or anticlimax" in his new faith. Screwtape describes this as follows:
So what about church? As a high school sophomore, I had no connection with any local churches, and had long ago rejected Presbyterianism. Young Life filled the gap perfectly. Young Life is considered a parachurch organization. They aren't under the umbrella of any particular denomination, but try to work with local churches, gently encouraging kids to plug into some kind of larger fellowship that involves all age groups. For those who criticize Young Life for "stealing" kids from local churches, I respectfully and fervently disagree. Not only does Young Life fill an (otherwise) unmet need, but it provides a great way for kids of differing denominations to fellowship with each other. I highly endorse Young Life as a supplement to local churches.
It seemed right that I look for a "real" church that met on Sunday mornings. My parents still attended the Walterville Presbyterian church, and I reluctantly accompanied them on rare occasions. Ron Sauer attended the Eugene Faith Center, a Four Square church pastored by the late Roy Hicks. I asked Ron if I could tag along sometime. He obliged and so began my on-again, off-again journey with this vibrant church that practiced the supernatural gifts of the Holy Spirit -- which included speaking in tongues. Faith Center didn't overemphasize tongues and gifts, but I sure found the whole charismatic phenomenon interesting and exciting.
I'll backtrack a bit to my sophomore track season. As a newly-committed Christian, my faith was strong. I was even somewhat zealous, witnessing to a few classmates and even wearing a t-shirt with a bold message printed on the back that read: I RUN FOR CHRIST. I'd wear this t-shirt over my singlet at track meets while warming up, peeling it off just before the start of races. However, I felt really self conscious wearing it. An internal dilemma emerged. Was I really running for Christ or running for my own glory? Looking back, I was likely motivated by both. However, as a high school kid, I couldn't reconcile these competing aims. I may have stopped wearing the shirt before the end of the track season.
The whole topic of motivations is complicated and I could write several blog posts about it. Suffice it to say, we are a mixed bag, full of both noble and ignoble purposes. The good news is that God offers complete forgiveness for all our selfish motivations, whether obvious or subtle. I don't think I understood this back then. I experienced a lot of guilt feelings over my selfish motivations and other sins.
My faith remained strong until about the spring of my junior year, when I began to backslide. Weekend beer binges resumed, along with occasional pot smoking. My language became foul, especially in the locker room. It's hard for me to pinpoint just why I fell away. Certainly my relationship with God had become weak from neglecting daily prayer and Bible reading. I don't recall practicing any kind of consistent quiet time with God. Spiritual disciplines (even the easy ones) were foreign to me. That leaves one vulnerable to temptations and demonic attack.
By the start of my senior year of high school, I wanted nothing to do with God, Christianity or healthy Christians. Weak Christians were okay to hang out with.
I'll end this blog post on a positive note: for over twenty years I've been strong in my relationship with Jesus and I'm certain God will sustain me the rest of my earthly life and throughout eternity. Happy New Year!
Back then, we started high school in the tenth grade. Sports kept me busy and mostly out of trouble, though I aimed to get drunk most weekends. This was my life for much of my sophomore year.
That spring (1976), someone invited me to a Young Life All-Area Club meeting. "Sure. Why not?" I may have said. It took place on a Friday or Saturday night in a large auditorium. High school kids from Young Life clubs all around the Eugene-Springfield area filled the place. There was a lot of energy, singing and good vibes. Then a fellow stood at the podium and spoke. The precise content of his message slips my mind, but he was clearly encouraging teens to accept Christ as Savior and Lord. I didn't turn to the Lord at the meeting, but the event impacted me deeply. I knew what I'd heard was true and that I needed to change.
When I arrived home that night, I entered my bedroom and prayed sincerely for God to enter my heart, save me and do something with my life.
That Monday at lunch, I sat next to a senior, Duane Swafford, who I knew was a Christian. I told him what happened at the Young Life meeting and how I prayed that night in my room. I asked Duane if there was something else I needed to do to become a Christian. He responded with a big smile, saying something like, "Praise God, Tom! You're saved! You've already said the right prayer!"
Though technically I had rededicated my life to Christ that night, I treated it as a first-time conversion. The weekend beer binges ceased and I plugged into the Thurston High School Young Life events. Besides the upbeat, weekly meetings, there were coastal outings, Bible studies, camps, etc.. The leader, Ron Sauer, became a significant, positive influence in my life. We hung out a lot, usually on long runs. He often worked out with the Thurston distance runners. Ron impacts me to this very day.
One particular Young Life small-group meeting stands out. It likely took place within a month of my rededication. The group had finished watching a Christian video and then began praying. I distinctly felt God's presence in the room. Others must have felt Him too, because some kids were weeping -- as in tears of joy. This was significant, because, prior to that, I had never experienced God in such a personal, intimate way. He was real and He loved me.
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| My first airplane flight -- piloted by Fred Brandenfels. (August 12, 1976) |
This experience, along with an overall spiritual well-being, marked my life during those first few months. I think this was the "witness of the Spirit" indicated in Romans 8:16-17, "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs -- heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."
It's interesting how that verse begins with a lofty spiritual peak and transitions to a low point -- suffering. After a few months, my spiritual high ended and I began to experience doubts, along with spiritual dryness. It felt as if God wasn't with me anymore. At the time, I didn't realize this shift from high to low was a common experience for young believers. In his lecture series, Spiritual Formation, Dr. John Coe analyses this phenomenon, mentioning how Christian thinkers ranging from St. Augustine (4th-5th century) to St. John of the Cross (16th century) wrote about these highs and lows. St. John of the Cross likens the new believer's spiritual high as an infant who derives pleasure and satisfaction from its mother because of her caresses, nursing and loving care. The infant becomes deeply attached to (loves) its mother because of the pleasure the mother gives him/her. This corresponds to a baby Christian loving God for pleasure's sake. God grants feelings of spiritual pleasure because this is what the new convert needs...for awhile.
The "dark night of the soul" soon arrives for the young Christian. The feeling of God's presence goes away. In fact, all spiritual pleasure vanishes. Worse yet, the pleasure is replaced by negative emotions and thoughts that flood the soul. This may involve demonic attack, where doubts about the faith bombard the mind. Eventually, the dark night goes away, replaced by more natural, down-to-earth feelings.
According to St. John of the Cross, God allows the dark night to occur so the infant will grow up. If the spiritual high continued forever, the Christian would remain selfish, only loving God for pleasure's sake. The ultimate goal, which takes a lifetime, is to love God for God's sake. The mature saint loves God for who He is, not for the pleasures and benefits received from Him. I'm definitely not there yet!
Dr. John Coe mentions the Jesus People movement of the 1960's and 70's. Many of these young people came out of a culture of drugs, sex and hedonism. They understood pleasure. Spiritual highs (from God, not drugs), were common to hippie converts. God knew they were babies developmentally, so He met them where they were at. When the inevitable dark nights came, some people grew up and others fell away.
C.S. Lewis, in The Screwtape Letters, focuses on a young Christian who is being targeted by a demon named Wormwood. Wormwood is mentored by an experienced demon named Screwtape. In a letter to Wormwood, Screwtape explains that the Enemy (God) will soon allow the young man to undergo a "disappointment or anticlimax" in his new faith. Screwtape describes this as follows:
"Desiring their [new Christians] freedom, He [God] therefore refuses to carry them, by their mere affections and habits, to any of the goals which He sets before them: He leaves them to 'do it on their own.' And there lies our opportunity. But also, remember, there lies our danger. If once they get through this initial dryness successfully, they become much less dependent on emotion and therefore much harder to tempt."Remember, the above quote is from a demon who understands, and attempts to thwart, many of God's strategies. Screwtape is describing a crisis of faith common to young believers. This is a huge spiritual battle, a matter of life or death to the soul. If Christians pass the test, they grow. If they fail the test, they may reject Christ and fall into the clutches of a demon. I survived the initial doubts and dark nights of my soul, and continued to plug away at the faith.
So what about church? As a high school sophomore, I had no connection with any local churches, and had long ago rejected Presbyterianism. Young Life filled the gap perfectly. Young Life is considered a parachurch organization. They aren't under the umbrella of any particular denomination, but try to work with local churches, gently encouraging kids to plug into some kind of larger fellowship that involves all age groups. For those who criticize Young Life for "stealing" kids from local churches, I respectfully and fervently disagree. Not only does Young Life fill an (otherwise) unmet need, but it provides a great way for kids of differing denominations to fellowship with each other. I highly endorse Young Life as a supplement to local churches.
It seemed right that I look for a "real" church that met on Sunday mornings. My parents still attended the Walterville Presbyterian church, and I reluctantly accompanied them on rare occasions. Ron Sauer attended the Eugene Faith Center, a Four Square church pastored by the late Roy Hicks. I asked Ron if I could tag along sometime. He obliged and so began my on-again, off-again journey with this vibrant church that practiced the supernatural gifts of the Holy Spirit -- which included speaking in tongues. Faith Center didn't overemphasize tongues and gifts, but I sure found the whole charismatic phenomenon interesting and exciting.
I'll backtrack a bit to my sophomore track season. As a newly-committed Christian, my faith was strong. I was even somewhat zealous, witnessing to a few classmates and even wearing a t-shirt with a bold message printed on the back that read: I RUN FOR CHRIST. I'd wear this t-shirt over my singlet at track meets while warming up, peeling it off just before the start of races. However, I felt really self conscious wearing it. An internal dilemma emerged. Was I really running for Christ or running for my own glory? Looking back, I was likely motivated by both. However, as a high school kid, I couldn't reconcile these competing aims. I may have stopped wearing the shirt before the end of the track season.
The whole topic of motivations is complicated and I could write several blog posts about it. Suffice it to say, we are a mixed bag, full of both noble and ignoble purposes. The good news is that God offers complete forgiveness for all our selfish motivations, whether obvious or subtle. I don't think I understood this back then. I experienced a lot of guilt feelings over my selfish motivations and other sins.
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| Is Coach DeWayne Cantrell trying to smile? The Thurston High School cross country team celebrates after running well at the district meet. We qualified for the state championships! (November 1, 1977) |
By the start of my senior year of high school, I wanted nothing to do with God, Christianity or healthy Christians. Weak Christians were okay to hang out with.
I'll end this blog post on a positive note: for over twenty years I've been strong in my relationship with Jesus and I'm certain God will sustain me the rest of my earthly life and throughout eternity. Happy New Year!
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