My Story: Why I Believed Then and Why I Believe Now

There's a debate within evangelical circles concerning the usefulness of rational, apologetic arguments in winning unbelieving skeptics to Christ. Some evangelicals believe it's futile to try to win people to Christ through reason and logic; instead we need to give unbelievers the straight gospel so they can make a decision for or against Christ ASAP.

Where do I stand on the debate? I'll answer by sharing my story about why I initially believed the gospel and why I've continued to believe. I'll briefly describe my conversion at age 10 or 11, and my three recommitments.

Dan Fisher (right), me and mighty dog Cyrus (1972)

When I was 10 or 11, my friend Dan Fisher invited me to join him at a showing of the movie The Cross and the Switchblade at an Assembly of God church in Springfield. Right after the movie, they had an alter call and I went forward to receive Christ. I was impacted by the movie, which showed how gang members turned their lives over to Jesus through the ministry of David Wilkerson.

The pastor who gave the alter call just presented the simple gospel without fancy arguments. In my heart, I felt it was the right thing to do to accept Jesus. I'm grateful to Dan Fisher for inviting me to the movie. He played a significant role in my conversion.

My excitement about the faith lasted for a year or so and completely fizzled out by the time I reached my teens. A rededication  was needed. This occurred my sophomore year in high school at an all-area Young Life meeting. The speaker gave a heart-felt message; it wasn't a deep, logical, apologetic argument. Later that night in my bedroom I recommitted my life to the Lord. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, my zeal lasted for maybe a year before my heart turned away from Christ.

My second recommitment occurred around 1980 when I was a student at Lane Community College. It was lunchtime and I sat at a table in the cafeteria. A man sat down across from me and asked if I knew the Lord. My answer was wishy washy because I was in the middle of a backslidden phase. The man proceeded to share the gospel with me. He used a simple illustration about a white dog and a black dog--but he did not use deep, logical, apologetic arguments. His words went straight to my heart. In fact, I felt deep conviction by the Holy Spirit.

When the man asked if I wanted to pray with him to receive Christ, I said yes. It was more dramatic than my conversion as a 10-11 year old. This time I felt an incredible load come off my back. I felt the supernatural peace of God in my heart and I knew without a doubt that God was for real. But alas, after a few years of walking with Jesus, worldly pursuits once again lured me toward dark paths.

My third recommitment occurred in the early 1990's. At that time I was getting drunk regularly, smoking pot, doing (occasional) hallucinogenic mushrooms, and dabbling in eastern mysticism and meditation. A bad trip on mushrooms spurred me to quit hallucinogens, though I continued to use marijuana sporadically.

So I focused on trying to experience heightened consciousness through eastern meditation--without chemicals. One evening, I sat on the floor cross legged while staring at a white wall. I focused on emptying my mind. I'd done this several times before, but this time was different. After a few minutes, I felt a deep, non-painful electrical feeling start to move up my spine. The strange current then started to enter the base of my skull.

I panicked, stood up from the floor and tried to shake off the sensation. It wouldn't go away. That night I couldn't sleep because I felt like my body was pumped up with some kind of high voltage adrenaline. The next day I visited a large, nearby Christian church, where a couple of pastors counseled me and prayed for me.

The sensation at the base of my skull went away, but over the next month, my body continued to experience an uncomfortable, adrenaline-like feeling. Eventually it too went away. The good news is that this crisis prompted me to return to Christ. I've been walking with the Lord ever since.

What keeps me walking with the Lord today? I would say it's a combination of prayer, daily Bible reading, fellowship and the sustaining power of the Holy Spirit.

Do logical, apologetic arguments strengthen my faith? I've read a fair number of books on the subject and I would say, to a limited extent, they encourage my faith. However, in the end, the Holy Spirit is the one who sustains my faith and keeps me walking with Jesus.

I do believe apologetics have been used successfully in evangelism. Many young people came to Christ through the ministry of Francis Schaeffer. He used deep, well-reasoned arguments successfully in the 1960s and 70s at the L'Abri fellowship in Switzerland. It's interesting to note that his wife, Edith Schaeffer, in her memoir, wrote that she and others prayed continuously for the ministry and for the salvation of souls. So, we know that the Holy Spirit was working on hearts, not just minds, at L'Abri.

Reasoned arguments by such Christian intellects as J.R.R. Tolkien had a huge influence on C.S. Lewis, prompting him to come to faith. But really, it was the Holy Spirit who ultimately brought Lewis to his knees. No one gets saved apart from the Spirit drawing them to repentance.

In my case, reasoned arguments weren't the cause for my conversion and recommitments. For me it was the Holy Spirit using the gospel message, along with my own personal crises, to bring me to repentance. For this reason, I'm not a great apologist, though I believe logical arguments are valid. I encourage skeptics to read Christian apologetics, starting with C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity. Also, go to the Veritas Forum http://www.veritas.org/ to see interviews and speeches from many of today's best Christian thinkers. Blessings.